What To Do After Getting Engaged: Plus 5 Things NOT To Do.
Congratulations, you're engaged! Right now you're probably feeling a heady mix of excitement, relief and, if I'm honest, a fair bit of overwhelm too. Knowing what to do after getting engaged is one of the most common questions I get asked, and as a wedding photographer who has walked alongside dozens of couples through their planning journey (we're usually booked earliest of anyone, so I see it all from day one), I've picked up a good sense of what helps and what hinders. I've watched couples handle this stage brilliantly, and I've also been the shoulder to cry on when it hasn't quite gone to plan. Here's my honest, lived-in guide: what to do after getting engaged, and just as importantly, plus 5 things you SHOULDN’T do, to take the overwhelm out of starting your wedding planning.
The Do’s & Don’ts after getting engaged
Bonus tip: give yourselves a minute. Before any of the practical advice, here's the one thing I'd say matters most. Give yourselves a moment to actually enjoy being engaged. There is no rule that says the planning has to start today, or even this month. This is a genuinely rare, lovely stretch of time between the proposal and the admin, and it deserves a little breathing space before you dive into venues and vendors.
DO: make it a joint effort, not a solo project.
Wedding planning has a lot of moving parts, and it's tempting for whichever one of you is more naturally the organiser to simply take the reins. Resist that. If it all lands on one person's shoulders, the joy has a habit of draining out of it, and resentment can creep in where excitement used to be. Beyond the emotional side, the day should reflect both of you, which only happens if both of you are genuinely part of the decisions.
DON'T: let the ‘wedmin’ (wedding admin) tip you into stress.
If the scale of it all feels daunting, particularly for a bigger or more logistically complex wedding, it's worth seriously weighing up a wedding planner, or leaning towards something simpler like an elopement. I think about this in terms of time versus money: money can always be earned back, but your time and headspace during your engagement cannot.
DO: get clear on your wedding priorities early.
One of the most useful things to do after getting engaged is to sit down together and talk about what actually matters to you, separately from what tradition, Pinterest or a well-meaning mother-in-law to be suggests. Perhaps you're both food people and want to put real budget behind an incredible caterer. Perhaps live music is non-negotiable and everything else can flex around it. Working this out as a pair, away from outside opinions, gives you a compass for every decision that follows, because this is your day and your priorities should lead it. Focus on how you want your wedding to feel - not how you want it to look.
DON'T: leave it too late.
Wedding suppliers, photographers like myself included, tend to book up season by season, and popular Saturdays in particular go quickly. Once we're confirmed for a date, we simply can't be in two places at once, so if you've found someone whose work you love, don't sit on it. There are lots of guides available on what to do after getting engaged in terms of what to plan and book first, but commonly the following outline applies:
12 months in advance: book your venue and ceremony
10-12 months in advance: book your photographer and videographer, find your dress
9-7 months in advance: book a wedding venue stylist, florist, cake maker and caterers
6-4 months in advance: start hair and makeup trials, book your band and entertainment and find your bridal/groom party outfits
5-3 months in advance: book your hotel rooms, air bnb’s and final touches
DO: choose your venue with real intention.
Alongside timing, choosing the right venue is one of the earliest and most consequential things to do after getting engaged, since so much else can't be confirmed until it's locked in. Without it, you can’t book much else because you won’t have a confirmed date or location. There are tonnes to choose from both here and abroad, and there are lots of factors to consider. Also, soon, where you can get legally married in the UK may about to change completely with a lot more flexibility…keep an eye on news for updates. In the meantime, start with these three things:
Location: Choose somewhere most of your guests will be able to easily get to; if you choose somewhere far away, your guest list will no doubt be impacted. To save your guests travelling too much, choose to have the ceremony and reception in one place or very nearby. Otherwise, you’ll need to consider transport and the timing of your day, as well as available local accommodation.
Time of year: Weddings at any time of year are beautiful, and in my opinion, no one date or season is better than another. If you’re having a summer wedding, consider choosing somewhere with beautiful grounds that your guests can enjoy and be entertained in. If it’s a winter celebration, ensure there’s plenty of shelter, warmth and indoor space for everyone to mingle in.
Package vs DIY: These are your main two options when it comes to how hands-on you’ll need to be regarding your wedding day. DIY weddings can be incredibly personalised, but require a lot more effort from you. Choosing a package deal at a venue means you’ll have less to think about, but will likely need to choose from a range of set options. Both can be great and give you the results you want, so this one is down to personal preference!
DON’T: Buy your outfit too soon!
When you’re thinking about what to do after getting engaged it can be tempting to run out and start trying on wedding outfits; after all, it’s one of the most exciting parts. A word of caution, though - don’t buy your outfit too soon. I’ve seen so many occasions where a second outfit has been bought closer to the day because they’ve ‘gone off’ the first one; it’s disheartening, and that money could have been used somewhere else in your day. Refer back to my timeframe above and take your time choosing your outfit, considering the vibe of your wedding and the time of year you’re getting married.
DO: sort the practical, less glamorous bits early.
A joint savings account, a rough sense of average supplier costs, and a simple wedding website for RSVPs and gift lists will all save you a huge amount of admin later. None of it is exciting to plan, but doing it early buys you a much calmer few months closer to the day. A joint email address specifically for the wedding is also a very good idea. All of your enquiries and replies in one specific inbox!
DON'T: plan your wedding around the photographs
This one might sound strange coming from a wedding photographer, but I stand by it completely: your day should never exist purely to create beautiful images. The wedding photographs I keep coming back to, the ones couples print and frame and show their kids one day, are never the ones where everyone was posed and waiting for the camera. They're the moment your dad's face changes as you walk in. The friend who is laughing too hard to look at the lens. The bit where everyone has genuinely forgotten there's a camera in the room at all. The couples whose galleries mean the most to them are, almost without exception, the ones who prioritised actually experiencing their day and let the photography follow that, rather than the other way round.
DO: Set up a wedding website
Having a wedding website is something more and more couples are choosing to do to cut down on admin, improve organisation and communication. Wedding websites act as one central hub for your guests to access, where they can RSVP, add menu choices and dietary requirements and even see your gift list. It saves you getting endless RSVP notecards dropping through your door and sifting through acceptances and allows your guests to RSVP without having to buy a stamp. They’re easy to set up and there are some great ones to choose from now, too.
DON’T: Choose your wedding party too soon
My last piece of advice on what to do after getting engaged is to resist naming your wedding party too soon. Engagements often run long, and friendships and circumstances can shift over that time in ways you wouldn't expect. Your closest people don't need a year's notice, so give yourself the space to be certain.
If you're at the very beginning of wedding planning, save this page for later. There will be a lot of decisions coming your way, and having a clear sense of what matters to you will make every one of them easier.
If you're looking for a wedding photographer who cares less about creating a perfect-looking day and more about documenting the people, emotion and atmosphere that made it yours, I'd love for you to explore more of my work. See more of my documentary-led wedding photography → or see the investment for your wedding. You'll also find real weddings on my blog, including days that looked a lot like the ones I imagine you're planning, plus more planning and venue guides throughout.
Congratulations on your engagement again, and happy wedding planning!
