What To Do After Getting Engaged: Plus 5 Things NOT To Do!
If you’ve just got engaged (OMG, congratulations!) you’re probably in the midst of feeling an overwhelming mix of excitement and…well, overwhelm. Knowing what to do after getting engaged can be a real source of stress, but as a wedding photographer who’s seen lots of couples’ wedding planning journeys (we usually get booked pretty early in the process!) I have some tips for you. I’ve seen couples do this really well and also been a shoulder to cry on when things haven’t gone to plan. Now I’ve got 5 tips for what to do after getting engaged plus 5 things you SHOULDN’T do, to take the overwhelm out of starting your wedding planning!
The Do’s & Don’ts after getting engaged
My first tip is actually a bonus one and it’s this - take some time to enjoy being engaged! This is a special time for you and your partner, so don’t dive into telling everyone and starting the planning too soon. Spend a little time just enjoying your new fiance(e) status and this new world you’re entering.
OK, into the real tips now!
DO: Make it a team effort
I won’t sugarcoat it, wedding planning involves a lot of different elements! My first tip is to make sure you share the load and make it a team effort. Often there’s one person in a relationship who’s more of a ‘planner’ and ‘organiser’ (are you nodding?), and naturally, they can excitedly start to take on lots of the responsibilities. If it’s all left to one person though, the fun will eventually run out and there may be some resentment which is the last thing you want. Plus, you want to make sure all the decisions are made jointly about the day so it reflects both of you!
DON’T: Start stressing!
Leading on from my last point if the organisation seems daunting or you’re planning a more logistically complex wedding, I recommend hiring a wedding planner or choosing something simpler like an elopement. I’m a big believer in weighing up time vs money; if it’s taking too much of your time or mental capacity, it’s worth spending a little extra money to alleviate this! After all, money can be made back but your time and energy can’t.
DO: Prioritise
If you’re wondering what to do after getting engaged and looking for a starting point, this is a good one: prioritise. Sit down together and think about the things that are really important to you, forgetting about what tradition or your future mother-in-law dictates. Are you both big foodies and would love to really splash out on some top-notch Italian caterers? Or is music your thing, meaning you want to put your budget into some great entertainment? I’ve got some tips on where to weigh your budget to level up your wedding in THIS BLOG. Try to make these decisions together by literally sitting down and making a list; while other people’s opinions can be helpful, oftentimes at this stage in the planning they’re more of a hindrance. This wedding is about you, it’s your party of a lifetime, so get clear on all your favourite things! Speaking of parties, you’re going to need a banging playlist - here’s my advice on knocking it out of the park with your music choices.
DON’T: Leave it too late
Be aware that most wedding suppliers have timeframes in which they will get booked up. Weddings tend to be seasonal, so those August Saturdays get taken quickly! Once we’re booked for a date we can’t be in two places at once, so if you love someone’s style don’t wait to secure them for your wedding. There are lots of guides available on what to do after getting engaged in terms of what to plan and book first, but commonly the following outline applies:
12 months in advance: book your venue and ceremony
10-12 months in advance: book your photographer and videographer, find your dress
9-7 months in advance: book a wedding venue stylist, florist, cake maker and caterers
6-4 months in advance: start hair and makeup trials, book your band and entertainment and find your bridal/groom party outfits
3-5 months in advance: book your hotel rooms and final touches
DO: Choose a suitable venue
As I’ve just mentioned, one of the most important things to do after getting engaged is to find the perfect venue. Without this, you can’t book much else because you won’t have a confirmed date or location. There are tonnes to choose from both here and abroad, and there are lots of factors to consider. Start with these three things:
Location: Choose somewhere most of your guests will be able to easily get to; if you choose somewhere far away, your guest list will no doubt be impacted. To save your guests travelling too much, choose to have the ceremony and reception in one place or very nearby. Otherwise, you’ll need to consider transport and the timing of your day, as well as available local accommodation.
Time of year: Weddings at any time of year are beautiful, and in my opinion, no one date or season is better than another. If you’re having a summer wedding, consider choosing somewhere with beautiful grounds that your guests can enjoy and be entertained in. If it’s a winter celebration, ensure there’s plenty of shelter, warmth and indoor space for everyone to mingle in.
Package vs DIY: These are your main two options when it comes to how hands-on you’ll need to be regarding your wedding day. DIY weddings can be incredibly personalised, but require a lot more effort from you. Choosing a package deal at a venue means you’ll have less to think about, but will likely need to choose from a range of set options. Both can be great and give you the results you want, so this one is down to personal preference!
DON’T: Buy your outfit too soon!
When you’re thinking about what to do after getting engaged it can be tempting to run out and start trying on wedding outfits; after all, it’s one of the most exciting parts! A word of caution, though - don’t buy your outfit too soon. I’ve seen so many occasions where a second outfit has been bought closer to the day because they’ve ‘gone off’ the first one; it’s disheartening, and that money could be used somewhere else in your day. Refer back to my timeframe above and take your time choosing your outfit, considering the vibe of your wedding and the time of year you’re getting married too.
DO: Open a joint wedding savings account
Now you’ve made your list of priorities you can start setting a budget and saving towards it. I recommend opening a central account to jointly save into, so you can keep track of how you’re doing. When setting a budget it’s worth doing some research - you might find out that average costs for wedding suppliers are higher or lower than you expected, so if you don’t do your research you could be left wondering why your budget isn’t working out. Start by heading to our favourite old faithful Google, and searching for the national average costs of wedding suppliers. This will give you a realistic idea of how much things will be before you decide on an arbitrary number and end up disappointed! Because you’ve done your priorities list, you can then work out where the lion’s share of your money will go based on the things you most want to splash out on at your wedding. The final step is to make a plan for how you’ll save towards that cost!
I’ve included a list of some of my favourite wedding suppliers here for you to get you started on your research; they’re all talented, and experienced and will do a cracking job! You can use this list to get a feel for some different styles of suppliers and to count towards your budget research.
Florists:
Amanda Steele Flowers
Folky Dokey
The Country Garden Florist
Stylists:
Two.Eight.One
The Two Hummingbirds
The Rustic Wedding Company
Cake Makers:
Cakes Made Pretty
Storeybook Cakes
Hair & Mua:
Sophie Louise Hair & Make up
The boho bridal
Boho Beauty box
Outfits:
Willow & Grace Bridal
Coco Bridal Boutique
Marc Darcy Suits
Caterers:
Thomas the Caterer
Blame Frank
DON’T: Tell Instagram before your loved ones
This sounds like an obvious one, but before you take to Instagram to post a pic of your ring and start Googling ‘what to do after getting engaged’ make sure you’ve told all your nearest and dearest - in person, if possible! I know it sounds like something you can’t imagine anyone would do but it’s possible to get swept up in the excitement and announce your engagement to the world, leaving your extended family with a million questions. Take some time to get in touch with those you love the most and tell them the good news; they’ll really appreciate it, and it’ll make them feel special being told first!
DO: Set up a wedding website
This tip is more of a ‘can’ than ‘do’, but having a wedding website is something more and more couples are choosing to do to cut down on admin and improve organisation. Wedding websites act as one central hub for your guests to access, where they can RSVP, add menu choices and dietary requirements and even see your gift list! It saves you getting endless notecards dropping through your door and sifting through acceptances, plus it’s way more environmentally friendly. They’re easy to set up and there are some great ones to choose from now, too!
DON’T: Choose your wedding party too soon
My final don’t on this ‘what to do after getting engaged’ guide is to not choose your wedding party too hastily! Despite how it might sound, holding off on asking your BFFs to be your bridesmaids can actually work out in your favour. Weddings are often booked a long way in advance and lots can change during this time. Friendships can change, meaning you end up wishing you’d made a slightly different selection for your bridal party or best man - it’s amazing how often this happens over the course of an engagement! Not only that, you might find your wedding plans change because of budget alterations - it would be super awkward to have to kick out a groomsman because your guest list is having to decrease! Your friends and family don’t need 12 months’ notice to be in your wedding party, so wait until you’re sure to make those announcements.
Et, voila! There you have 5 things to do when you get engaged, and 5 things to not do. You can find lots more wedding planning advice on my blog, and when you book me as your wedding photographer I’m always on hand with supplier recommendations and tips. Happy planning!
